he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
