So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
