I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
