I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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