I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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