she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
