Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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