Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
