You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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