I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
