just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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