i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
