Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
