This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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