i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
