I puked a lego.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
