I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
40s are totally the cure
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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