paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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