It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
