I am spending my child support on dildos
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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