I wanna bring you to show and tell
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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