Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize