this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
