I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
