I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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