Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
