Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
