when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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