worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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