Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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