He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
