I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
