There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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