I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
