His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
