Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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