I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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