She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
