I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
