I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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