i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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