I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
