you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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