Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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