I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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