Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
