My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
