The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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