He had one of those small greek statue penises
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Found the puke drawer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
