We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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