Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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