Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
