Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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