shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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