Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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