He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
