if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize