I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
