I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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