So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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