so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
